Mirror Canon

 
Right click, save as, print, use it.

Clownductor

 
Check out this guy Melvin Tix the worlds original clownductor. We went there with Finn and Oliver and we had a great time. It was an outdoor concert in Kings Park about 10 seconds away from where we are getting married next April.
 

PC doctor

 
Yup, it was time to retire the old computer at the weekend. School was having an IT sellout so I picked up a few bits and pieces with the intention of revamping all the computers in the gaff.
 
Here are the two cases opened. Nick Kelly (Dougs brother) put this PC together for me about 6-7 years ago and it is still a beast of a machine, but on account of it being online for quite a while it is full of trojans, and other such virus nasties. So the plan was to salvage all the good bits. Out comes the leatherman tool....
 
Getting the hard drive out was easy, getting the video card out was really hard, its MASSIVE, bigger than the motherboard! Its an ATI Radeon, its got dual monitor support and most importantly its red.
 
Here it is again, the graphics card MONSTER. It all worked out pretty well, nice new PC (with a legitimate version of windows....ahem) and all music and photos transferred.

Jazz Maths

 

If x is the number of chord changes in a tune, and y is the tempo at which it is played, then xy = factor by which a guitarist will turn down his amp.

# (notes/measure played by a saxophonist on a ballad) is proportional to # (drinks he has consumed). 4 + 4.125 + 4 + 3.875 + 4 + (4 + or - .667) + 4 + (x, where x is unknown) = 1 chorus trading with drummer.

(2 + 5 + 1) (# of freshman college jazz students, internationally) = annual income of Jamie Aebersold, in dollars.

Infinity = (3 + 6 + 2 + 5) + (3 + 6 + 2 + 5) + (3 + 6 + 2 + 5) '

If (# of drinks consumed, per musician) > (# of drinks comped by club), then unrest will prevail unless (cost per drink) < 1/20 (pay for gig).

5/4 + 7/4 + 11/4 = drummer's gig

1 uptempo tune +1 rushing drummer + x (double lattes) = x (fights among horn players to solo first)

1 ballad + 1 dragging drummer + x (Percocets) = 1 cleared house, where x is proportional to the speed at which the room empties

2 (diddles) = paradiddle

Jam session + eighth-note rest = missed opportunity.

Jam session + (quarter-note rest or greater) = band on break.

{(New + York) squared - (NewNew + Yorkyork + Yorknew) + New York + 2 (Ride + Sally) - Sally} divided by (less than five seconds) = medley from hell

(1/vocalist's experience in years) (# of beats per measure) x 32 = # of unintended modulations + skipped beats, per chorus.

If x = piano's deviance from being in tune, y = volume level of drummer, z = length of gig, and d = number of drinks consumed by pianist on break, then (d) (xyz/pay of the gig, in dollars), predicts the probability of pianist urinating in his instrument.

Vow of Poverty theorem: If # people in audience < # of musicians on bandstand, then pay per musician < one individual cover charge.

Bass theorem: A musician's IQ is inversely proportional to the size of his/her instrument, and directly related to the register of the instrument.

Rule of One theorem: Universe of jazz vocalists/# of jazz vocalists who sing "Summertime"= 1 = rank of "Summertime" among tunes most despised by instrumentalists

"Devil's Music" theorem: Smooth Jazz = square root of all evil.

"Two Americas" Buffet theorem: Fresh salmon/flaccid spanakopita + prime rib/limp eggrolls + jumbo shrimp/soggy chicken fingers = high society gig/Elks Club gig

How much should a gig pay, based on the following conditions: drive 90 miles outside of town through pouring rain; set up two hours in advance; load in through slimy kitchen,accessed by treacherous outdoor staircase; and play four hours of continuous crappy dance favorites for drunk rich people?

Would you take it for 1/2 that much?

(If yes): Desperation/pride > 1

After you bid on the above gig for 1/3 your worth, a college student offers to play the same gig for 1/2 as much. You are 12 times as good as him, but 1/2 as good-looking. The client has a tin ear.

Who will get the job? Why do you bother practicing?

If a trumpet player counts off a tune in 4/4 at mm = 180, and the drummer slows it down at a constant rate of deceleration over 8 measures to mm = 150, does the pianist still suck?

If a bassist plays a root, a pianist superimposes a major seventh chord built on the fifth, and a saxophonist plays the 13th, will attractive women notice? Will the drummer?

Your trio is set up in a perfect equilateral triangle. A singer sets up exactly in the middle. Will the three of you be divided against the singer, or against one another?

Staff Music Night

 
It was staff music night at my school last friday so we all got a chance to perform whatever we wanted. Here are all the full time staff performing an Abba megamix.
 
This is Jane and Sofie doing a flute duet, it was a great concert, lots of variety, some light fun stuff and some serious stuff, all good fun.
 
Here's me and Michelle the guitar teacher after playing a version of 'Aint misbehavin' with the second verse replaced by waltzing matilda to give it an ozzie twist
 
And here I am back by popular demand of my year 8 class to perform my 'virtual trumpet' arrangement of flight of the bumblebee.

The Lads

 
Remember these guys? well here they are again, Jane and I were babysitting teh pair od them last saturday and we had a great time.
 
Here they are mid-photoshoot showing us their teeth.
 
They are both pretty much talking now and are really funny. Every time I take a picture or a video i show it to them so they have pretty much figured out now what a camera is so they really like posing for shots.
 
And here they are wrestling a bear.

Sunset

 
Again, another reason to go and get a proper camera, here is the sunset last thursday, as taken on my phone, the colours didn't really come out but the scene was amazing!

Ola Gringo's

 
Here is Jane with our friend James at his place yesterday. He is just back from Mexico (pronounced maaaaahhheeeeeekkko) and came home with a bottle of this stuff, its the tequila of tequila's. Its made from 100% agave plant. Each of these plants takes 9 years to grow and it takes 9 plants to make this 1 bottle. The plant itself is massive and is home for snakes, scorpions and deadly spiders which makes uprooting it it a pretty dangerous job. All teh leaves are cut off and you are left with the core/husk (which looks like a pineapple), then it is boiled and fermented and bottles and sent out into the world. Its so pure that to have a mixer with it would be as insulting as having a 75 year old middleton whisky with a splash of diet coke.

Tuba Bill

 
Nobody move, this tuba's loaded............

The Polkadots

remember that oktoberfest party that I had a while back, and we played a tune on teh night, well that polka band is still going from strenght to strenght, we had a gig on the streets of Perth (mt Lawley) over the weekend playing polka's, tangos and all sorts of french and italian tunes. It was Great fun. thats Bill on tuba and Nikki on the accordian.
 
All these photos are courtesy of Picturegraph and heaps more (about a hundred) are available after the jump under 'events'
 
 

Promotion........

 
Ha, just kidding, the vice principal has the same second name as me.

A timely reminder

 
Hello blogfans, just a friendly reminder that the stockpile of chipsticks over here is dwindling rapidly........

Funbury

 
Jane and I went to Bunbury for the weekend to do a gig and check the place out.
 
Its a port town..........here is the port.
 
It also has a mangrove.......
 
Here are the tree roots poking back out of the water, like straws, to absorb the oxygen. Apparrantly there are usually hoards of flying crocodiles in these.