Due to my ongoing stockplile of beer, some 150 bottles produced per week (roughly, not including all Adams stuff) Fin decided to to a report on recent "events". No animals were harmed in the production of this blog, all characters are ficticious etc yada yada yada...
"An Irishman is being deported today following an explosion in his shed that resulted in all his neighbors getting outrageously drunk from inhaling microdroplets of the Industrial Strength homebrew that caused the accident.
Forensic Alcohol Experts flown in from the worlds foremost Expert Group, the CSMAU, say it's lucky that all of downtown Perth wasn't affected. Spokesman Iva Can said that the toxicity levels recorded close to the epicenter of the explosion were as if one had inhaled neat Jameson. "Twas a close thing" he said after the inspection. "Not since the notorious Conor Incident have we seen such naked disregard for alcohol."
The owner of the illegal still, one Charles McCarthy (age indeterminate) declined to comment saying only "Twas nathin biys, just a few air pockets, that's all." However experts from the Environmental agency Society Against Mishandling of Beer or Universally Catastrophic Cans of Alcohol (Sambucca) said twas typical of Mr McCarthy's reckless drive to force local pubs and breweries out of business.
"It just ain't roight mate," a Sambucca spokesman said. "There he is in his shed thinking 'Srewth! I could make me a bloody fortune here mate and no mistake' and all he soes is blow up the neighborhood and get everyone pissed in the process... It's just not roight mate, not roight at all"
For his part Charlie said "twas just an experiment that went a bit astray. I'll know better next time". But Sambucca are not convinced... Spokeswoman Eva Cleenbum said "Look all you need is one young Irish jumbuck newly arrived in Oz, give him a house with a bar, a 20 dollar beer kit and a shed and it's a disaster waiting to happen."
Local Authorities are keeping an eye on young McCarthy but are powerless to do anything as no official complaints have been received from any neighbors of the young Irishman. "Maybe when the hangovers kick in they might complain, but as of yet everyone seems well happy to be breathing in alcohol" a spokesman said.
Monday, June 12, 2006
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